Change;

I know that some things in our life need to change and are going to change. Primarily the over busyness. The problem is that it's not a simple thing or something that can be done quickly. Mainly, I need to go from having three jobs down to two. Right now I am a full-time mom, I publish the Kids' Directory, and I help with our Jus business. On top of this we lead the Young Marrieds small group, Josh has a job and is going to start coaching as well, he's in grad school, he leads a guys group...that's not everything even but I'll stop there.

I'm hoping to eliminate the Kids' Directly at some point in the near future...maybe in the next six months. The plan is sell to put it up for sale in the next four months or so. If we can sell it for what we want to, it'll be amazing. If we can't, well, I guess we'll take it as it comes.

I've been dreaming some lately of how my life would look if I didn't have to be so busy trying to make enough money to help pay our bills. I think first of our Young Marrieds' group and how much more time I would have to invest in planning for it, as well as investing more time in the great people who come. I want to have the time to really get to know some of the people I don't know very well. To say "what are you doing this morning? come over and we can talk while the kids play". That sounds like heaven. Besides just having time for friends, I have a dream of pastoring...really pastoring. I love people. I love knowing people. Knowing what makes them happy, what is really hard in their life right now, and how I can be an encouragement to them.

I've been so busy, I feel like I've lost some of my joy. The joy that comes when you're doing what you love and feeling fulfilled by it. Being a mom is really fulfilling for me. However, being a mom that is too busy and too stressed about getting everything done is just sad. Being a good friend is fulfilling for me. Being a friend that doesn't have time to hang out is terribly frustrating. I could go on...this way of feeling has been my life for the last two years.

I know that God does things in seasons and I know that the seasons are getting ready to change. I'm kind of saying this in faith because I know it in my spirit but I just haven't seen with my eyes what it's going to look like or how it's going to happen. I know that I'm always going to be "busy" with something. I'm just ready for it to not be at ridiculous levels and to be busy doing things that are more fulfilling for me than the Kids' Directory.

I always feel like I could write so much more but I guess I'll leave it at that since I should go to bed.